I Never Left... "Control Of The Mind"

The human mind will never be completely understood. We can merely scratch the surface of what makes people think the way they do and what makes them react they way they do. Many people have a slight idea of what someone else is thinking by their actions and the way they go about their lives, but no one really knows your thoughts. Endless possibilities of creative explorations unfold when one person puts his or her mind to work. I personally have noticed that my mind never sleeps; it is in constant motion and thought. I have found this to be quite exhausting and even frustrating at times. If anyone has ever experienced this then you feel my pain! However, regardless of this being good or bad I found that the mind is easily controlled with a lot of discipline. People, like myself, have fallen into the disillution of the mind controls you but in reality you control your mind. Just like any part of your body can be controlled, control of your mind starts with a simple conscience effort. It sound easy enough right? WRONG! As easy as it is to start this phenomenal control of the mind, keeping control I have found is the hardest task. I can be in control for one day then completely lose it the next over something so small and meaningless. Like learning anything new, it comes with one day at a time. I however believe that it comes one minute at a time throughout every day. If we can learn to control our mind then we can change the world.

I'm Always Learning...

Never neglect the great wisdom you can recieve from others. Doesn’t that sound simple enough? Unless we live under a rock we will daily have contact with people. People who may be very different from us are the ones that will give us the biggest surprise on learning. A majority of the things you learn will come from the people you least expect. The rich man on the hill can learn a simple lesson of compassion from the bum in the alley. Whomever we learn from it is the most important to glean from the ones least expected.
How can one be so ungrateful? Those are the words that I repeated to myself over and over this fine day in the month of May. My every thought clouded with such guilt and shame for taking my perfectly capable mind for granted. My selfish and lazy nature was put into check and again I was reminded of how fortunate I really am. It was a typical and ordinary day at Starbucks reading and studying when at the next table a semi-handicapped man sat at his laptop, typing very carefully, a paper of some sort. I began to search deeper and seen a stack of schoolbooks lying next to him. Folders with other papers in them lay atop a table and a bag that held them all lie next to his chair on the floor. He wore a pair of earphones on his head and fiddled with his coffee in between sentences of typing. I realized that he was a special learning student at the college I attend. I instantly sank with shame realizing how I was dreading my own homework, papers, speeches and tests that I had to complete that day.
This particular man seemed to possess such a joy and satisfaction from all of his studies. Even in the midst of his struggles with typing his paper, which is such a simple task for me, he seemed to have a certain peace about working at his own pace. Perfectly capable in my own way to excel in life and gain a higher education without the set-back of many special needs that some have, I came to the conclusion of the attitude that many seem to harbor from living in larger more affluent cities. It is the feeling of superiority and instant gratification.
As these big city inhabitants, we have a microwave mentality that leads us to believe we never have to work really hard for anything in life. Money should automatically come to us and we should own all of the material possessions that we could ever want without lifting a finger. We want a degree in minutes because how dare it take 6 years to complete a Masters Degree. We want the big promotion just by simply showing up to work the first day and not paying our dues year after year. We want the millions in the bank just to prove how valuable we are and so other will see our worth. This list could go on and on to fit the lifestyle of many people other then myself. While shooting for the stars in life we cannot neglect hard work and perseverance. The distraction of looking at others who have put 10 years into their careers and set aside the 6 years for college and higher education can be thinking that we can have that instantly the moment we graduate from high school. But the reality is, when we are capable of earning these positions in life we will receive them. Patience is a virtue!
I don’t know this man’s condition or the reason for him being handicap, but I do know that a very significant lesson was learned from observing his hard work despite whatever obstacles he has to overcome. I will never again (anytime soon) take lightly my gift of life and health that allows me to wake up each morning and take the day by storm.
I am truly humbled.

LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE

These three simple words can be the interpreted various ways by numerous people across this great planet. For some, living is simply the daily survival of food and water. In others, it is simply waking up to a new day each morning and breathing life into their lungs. To live is the act of a daily survival for all. The fulfillment of our dreams starts with the simple act of knowing who we are and why we are put on this earth. Laughing and loving are the embodiment of living and if we do not posses any we truly are not alive.

I am taken back to a time when these words rang loud in my ears and I have never forgotten them. Live, Laugh, Love. There is so much more to life then meets the eye. At first glance from a rather pessimistic person, life can be merely a time we are placed here to live and then when our time has expired we die. And whatever you believe happens after death, well, so be it. The reality of starting from ground zero and taking control of your life is a foreign thought to most. Because for most people they are late in life and never really found who they are. If we begin to just live and let things be that cannot be changed and stop sweating the small things we are beginning to take baby steps toward just “living.” Our minds can be completely over taxed with the ideas of solutions for problems that do not exist. We always want to be something that we are not and strive tirelessly for it and are devastated when peace is not found or the gold is not at the end of the rainbow.

The greatest lessons of learning to laugh was from no one but myself and maybe a little from my mother. The statement, “Laughter is like a medicine,” could not hold more truth. I probably love to laugh more than anyone I know. I think I was born laughing. This does not make you exempt to problems, heartache and pain but it certainly does help melt the worries away. It can be difficult to laugh at yourself because it shows our imperfections and our weakness is revealed. Being in a place of vulnerability can be very uncomfortable. We need to feel in control and the loss of it is almost as horrible as being naked in public! (for some that might be a comfort) However, the relief found in laughter can be the very thing that brings healing to our lives. Our baby steps are growing into leaps of progress in mapping out our life and purpose for living.

In conclusion, never underestimate the power of these emotions and the power of the voice of another leading you in the right direction. We were not put on this earth to live in it alone and without the help of our fellow man we will not live at our full potential. All of us are given unique knowledge and special gifts that are for others. The greatest gift is giving itself and the greatest life is that to Live, Laugh, and Love.

Have you ever said..."how ironic is that?!"

Irony, from the Greek εἴρων (eiron), is a literary or rhetorical device, in which there is a gap or incongruity between what a speaker or a writer says, and what is generally understood (either at the time, or in the later context of history). Irony may also arise from a discordance between acts and results, especially if it is striking, and seen by an outside audience.
More generally, irony is understood as an aesthetic valuation by an audience, which relies on a sharp discordance between the real and the ideal, and which is variously applied to texts, speech, events, acts, and even fashion. All the different senses of irony revolve around the perceived notion of an incongruity, or a gap, between an understanding of reality, or expectation of a reality, and what actually happens.

There are different kinds of irony. For example:
▪ Tragic (or dramatic) irony occurs when a character on stage or in a story is ignorant, but the audience watching knows his or her eventual fate, as in Shakespeare’s play Romeo and Juliet
▪ Socratic irony takes place when someone pretends to be foolish or ignorant, in order to expose the ignorance of another
▪ Cosmic irony is a sharp incongruity between our expectation of an outcome and what actually occurs.
(wikipedia.com)

Turning from an oblivious situation to the reality of life is the very thing that can harm one’s pride and self esteem. We see through the eyes of what we want to believe and in our tragic state of being we realize we have been taken for a ride. Not only does our pride suffer but also as stated our self-esteem takes a massive blow and we then are drug down the level of the offender. The irony of tragedy is most devastating when it comes from a place least expected. A place of love, trust and extreme confidence is the first it can occur. This is not always true but is the majority of the offense. We can replay the episodes in our minds that have brought us to this point but again we are at a place of handicap. The strength we once gained from someone or something is not there to lean upon anymore. We then are forced to put on a mask and disguise our inner feelings of turmoil and pain. When the fog lifts and the light of day is shown into our situation, we then realize what we were fighting for was all in vain.

Our clever nature is the one that knows the evil we posses and we pretend to be the very thing we are not. Our words become what others want to hear instead of the truth. This action has an ulterior motive behind it. We are using others ignorance to our advantage and willingly setting the trap for them to fail. When used for good, these situations can produce life-changing moments that can set our feet on a new path in life. However, if these tactics are used against us for evil, we are truly in a position of weakness and ignorance. Our life is violated and our weakness then becomes weaker when we fall into the trap.

Our final moments of irony can be summed into our moment of expectation that is broken with a completely different outcome. If our plans for the future are going in one direction then once the time arrives they are not there following us, that cosmic irony can cause a displacement of self in the world around us. This failure to accomplish could very well be something that another has interrupted and caused you not to complete or it could be because of our human nature we have genuinely failed. The moments in life that will make or break us are found in these unexpected ends. With this knowledge in mind, our self- image (much different from our self-esteem) is derived by the things we accomplish in life.

Our fate in life will end up in an ironic situation eventually, we must be prepared for them and act with thought and not with too much emotion. Driven in the heat of passing moments our destiny will always be the outcome of a bad situation. It is as simple as that. A great life philosopher once said, “You’re on the brink of change and elevation when you see the road behind you go up in smoke!” Now that could turn into a whole other topic and I surely could speak on that a while!

Two Great Tragedies

A philosopher once observed that there are two great tragedies in life. The first tragedy is not getting the desires of our heart. The second tragedy is getting them! The problem is that we think we know what we want, but when we finally get it, it is not what we thought it was going to be. We are disappointed and become disillusioned.
What we desire may not always be the best thing. Remember when you were a kid and you wanted a new toy or a new gadget really bad. You thought you could not live without this simple thing that probably would keep your attention for a moment or even bring harm to you. When you would beg your parents to get whatever it was you wanted they would respond, “We’ll see” which meant, No! But why did they say no? Why did your parents not just let you have anything you wanted? This is because everything that you want is not always good for you. If your parents would have let you eat junk food all of your life then you would grow up to be very sickly or even have a short life.
The simple analogy with a child is no different from our lives today. We live our lives in the moment and we act so spontaneous that we never stop to think. Our actions are in a race with our mind and they usually win. We cannot see but a few feet ahead of us in the race of life when we should be looking at the whole track and the finish line. We must learn to have character and discipline to lead the life we were meant to live. But for all of this to work in our lives we must make a conscious effort to change the course we are on and make the adjustments necessary.
After receiving what we so much desire and it not fulfilling out lives can be a very dangerous thing. This can be dangerous because for some they wait their whole lives for something and if they are left disappointed that could be the end of their rope. To place all of your expectations in one thing that you desire is nothing short of a catastrophe. You should never place al your hope in one thing because not only are you unfulfilled if you receive it sometime but what happens when that one thing is taken from you? How will you cope with the loss? Are you strong enough to handle the pain?
The definition of disillusioned, “dis·il·lu·sioned adj. disappointed by a frustrated ideal or belief.” If the desire brings about an unnecessary frustration then that could be a sign that it is not meant for you. Some things we desire are going to be hard to get but that is not the type of frustration I am referring to. This is the kind that eats away at your mind and soul every moment of every day. The kind that makes you loose sleep, your eating habits change and you cannot seem to get the relief you need. This is the disillusioned state that some might find themselves in after receiving what it is they thought they needed.
The strongest tool in breaking free from unnecessary baggage in our lives is the power of knowledge. I think the most neglected quality in our modern day is the neglect of knowledge and personal growth. We do not embrace the idea of improving ourselves and getting the knowledge to do so. Before we can change ourselves we must first learn how. We cannot blindly take the wheel of change without having clear direction as to where we are going. If I could say anything to the world at this moment it would be to not neglect knowledge because truth will set you free.

For What It Used To Be

To pose questions at the onset of a topic is to simply provoke thought and begin to draw you into a state of wonder. Where were you when you loved something? Where are you now? Our feelings can change from one point to the next but what is written in our heart will tell us the truth. Feelings are the emotional charge we receive from something great or small. No matter what is it we receive that gives us these feelings we know them to be true by our first reactions. Do we love something for what it used to be and not for what it is today? Are we doing this without even realizing it?
According to wikipedia.com, “Emotion, in its most general definition, is an intense neural mental state that arises subjectively rather than through conscious effort and evokes either a positive or negative psychological response. An emotion is differentiated from a feeling.” It also points out, “Feelings are affective states of consciousness, triggered by physiological changes arising from both sensory perceptions and memories in comparison to internally stored norms or ideals.” The idea of loving something for what it used to be is just as simple as stated. What we love may have changed. Time is the truth. What something may have been before is what triggered an emotion within us - the forever mystery of love. This is more than a feeling that is in our consciousness but an “intense neural mental state” that is born within us.
When I personally think of things that I have loved I think of music. When I reflect on where I was when I loved it would be as a small child, as far back as I can remember. My mind is drawn back to the music that existed before I was even thought of or born. Eras of music that would have been but a dream to be a part of are now what I read, study and listen to daily. Is the music I fell in love with simply history to me now and not what I love today? At times I begin to wonder! What is this garbage I hear playing across the airways sometimes? Surely there is someone out there receiving recognition for true talent and a gift for music. These thoughts are of course very drastic as well as slightly extreme and I did so to make a point - a very valid point I might add. I still am deeply in love with music and will be until the day I die but what I fell in love with is not the same anymore.
Change is necessary and needed so desperately that our growth is stunted, however this change has made us lose the emotion of love that is so vital. Our standards of love have dropped therefore we do not love with the intensity of yesterday. Presently because something may appear to you in a new and does not bring with it the same feelings, love is repressed. “Fundamentally, Change denotes the transition that occurs when something goes from being the same to being different. For example, water in the liquid state is not the same as water in the frozen state. At some point, it experienced a transition and became different. Thus, it changed.” (Wikipedia.com) The in between times or the transition is the true test. This is where time is put to the test. Can you endure the transition? This process is the very element that has taken us from the love we once possessed. The simple act of change now has taken on a complex nature that can change our lives forever.
Everyone has to evaluate things in their lives once in a while and weed out the points that deter them from their course. This particular evaluation would be for us to find what it is we truly are passionate about. If it is something that has changed our minds because of time, then with strength we must move on. This happens to many people that began majors in college. They start out in a particular field of study and then years later find out they are not so passionate about the field they have chosen. Our greatest gift is to love. In loving something for what it was and not for what it is today is tragic but part of life. However, during this tragedy we find out who we truly are and the change is for greater good.

Bitterness

When you look up the word "family" in the dictionary you will find, "...a domestic group of people (or a number of domestic groups), typically affiliated by birth or marriage, or by analogous or comparable relationships — including domestic partnership, cohabitation, adoption, surname and (in some cases) ownership (as occurred in the Roman Empire)." This is a generic term for what most would feel the word family means. We understand the meaning of family as something more emotional and tangible then the generic term we are given. Although it is understood we are genetically connected, we have the ties and bond of blood, which is the closest form of being connected. We share specific genes and visible characteristics that tie the bond even tighter for our families. With all of this knowledge of how we are connected to one another, why is it that we can be so distant from the ones closest to us? Why are we bonded through genetics but separated by bitterness?

We are born into a family as a child. Helpless in every way but more alive than ever we are born into this world. We are completely dependant upon those around (family) to take care of our needs. Knowledge at this point is nearly void and we know nothing other than the things we feel. Children are born barely being able to see so there sense of feeling is the only one they know. Trusting that they will be freed from hurt and pain they cry, crying is the only response they know. From the moment of birth and through the years that pass, life unfolds the cards it has dealt. The emotional bond is formed and we are connected with no strings attached.

Skipping past the first 18 years of ones life, circumstances and problems arise in the home and families are torn apart. This could be from divorce, abuse, financial crisis's, broken promises, distrust, alcohol and drug abuse and that only naming a few. The broken relationship is not what I am referring to but the separation of bitterness. Bitterness is the feelings that have developed over long periods of time and surface much later in life. It is when parents once so connected in conception can be so separated by simple differences. The feeling of rejection is the most devastating feeling to get from a family member. It is so strong because of the emotional ties that are held and how sensitive we are to their perception. Sociology refers to this as self-concept. We are given are self-esteem and concept by our parents at a young age. Then it seems as we become older and wiser in the ways of life, we make our own decisions and if they are not in harmony with what our family feels is right then we are shunned. The simple act of change is the hardest for us as human beings. We resist change therefore we fight it and push change away. This resistance leads to rejection and the rejection leads to the separations and then bitterness is birthed into out lives. The pregnancy period lasts for 9 months in most cases and then a birth happens. The same is the way bitterness starts. It is conceived inside of us and a root is planted and before we realize, time has gone by and bitterness has already been born and we cannot seem to figure from where it came. Can we continue to reject the family we have around us over simple things that hardly matter or will be set aside our differences and mend the relationships that are bonded by blood?


This topic of bitterness in families is something that I have seen far too much of in times past. It is a topic that will never end either because of our stubborn nature and emotional pride. "Every way of a man is right in his own eyes...” the scripture so clearly states, but yet we are so quick to judge another for their possible faults. I feel there is no right or wrong way to remedy the problem of bitterness but just a simple step in the right direction and more knowledge can effect a change sooner than some people think.

The Phenomenon

In sociology, familial love is a type affinity or natural affection felt between members of a group bound by common ancestry or blood ties. The cultural ideal of familial love is one that is committed, unconditional, selfless, emotionally full, and reciprocally returned by the other.
In the fourth century BC, the Greek philosopher Plato [428-347BC], disciple of Socrates and teacher of Aristotle, positioned the view that one would never love a person in that person’s totality, because no person represents goodness or beauty in totality. At a certain level, one does not even love the person at all. Rather, one loves an abstraction or image of the person’s best qualities. Plato never considered that one would love a person for his or her unique qualities, because the ideas are abstractions that do not vary. In love, we thus look for the best embodiment of a universal truth in a person rather than that of an idiosyncratic truth. (Wikipedia.com)
Susan Hendrick and Clyde Hendrick developed a Loves Attitude Scale based on John Alan Lee's theory called Love styles. Lee identified six basic theories that people use in their interpersonal relationships:
1. Eros (romantic love) — a passionate physical love based on physical appearance and beauty.
2. Ludus (game playing)— love is played as a game; love is playful; often involves little or no commitment and thrives on "conquests".
3. Storge (companionate love) — an affectionate love that slowly develops, based on similarity and friendship.
4. Pragma (pragmatic love) — inclination to select a partner based on practical and rational criteria where both will benefit 5. From the partnership.
5. Mania (possessive love) — highly emotional love; unstable; the stereotype of romantic love; its characteristics include jealousy and conflict.
6. Agapē (altruistic love) — selfless altruistic love; spiritual
(Wikipedia.com)

The term Agapē love has always been something of a phenomenon to me. I have heard the term expounded upon since I was a young child and especially a young child growing up in a Christian family. Many spiritual and religious authors of Bibles days and beyond have used this type of love in explaining Christ's love for the world and how he gave of Himself even before he knew us. For this reason the term Agapē love has been a mystery. It will continue to remain a mystery because my human mind cannot understand or wrap itself around the idea of it. As human beings we are created with flaws and that is what makes us humans.
We are fallible and with natural error. Imperfect creatures are such as ourselves are constantly striving to become better, greater, stronger, and wiser. Our wisdom comes with life experiences and failures. If failure did not show his face once in a while then we would never learn from our mistakes and become stronger. When you are on top of a mountain metaphorically speaking, you must come down from that mountain and walk through the valleys around you. The mountaintop is a place of bliss and serenity while the valley in contrast is a place and loneliness, anxiety and unknown. The unknown is the next breath that we take. If we trust to take our next breath to stay alive then the next step we take in life is of that great of importance. We must continue our walking forward on this journey called life.
Because of our fallible nature we are always trying to obtain this so called Agapē love.
Can we obtain this kind of love?
Will we ever receive this kind of love?

Too long...

Hello to all my blog readers. I deeply apologize for not writing to you in several months! I did not realize how many people actually took the time to read my silly thoughts. I realized this after many emails from friends that I did not expect to read my blog. I assure you that I will begin posting again and try my best to give you something semi-insightful.
Till then, I wish you all the best in the world!

Chandra